My promise was kept until 4 years ago, when I was at medical school, and my life was perfectly normal. The university was going well, my mother and family was proud of me, I had good friends with whom I went to the cinema or to take a drink. None of them knew about me and I never was again with another guy, for something more than friendship. Although I could look to some guy and find him hot, and maybe have an exchange of looks with him, I never passed that. And I always assume that every guy was straight, so I never understood some mix signal that could be sent to me.
That year, when I was studying for my exams I was so tired that I thought I could take a break. I went on-line and I registered in a gay site. I was in another big city, where no one knew me and I thought I could manage to have some gay friends. My friends and colleagues usually talked that they had gay friends, but me, no luck... Ironic, right? I searched many profiles, and saw really hot guys. The problem is, most of them only want sex and don't usually are very bright... I added several guys to my messenger, but none of them manage to seduce me to a big chat. Until I found someone. Him, meaning... let's say Peter. Peter was different. First, was a lot more cute than the others, and it was around my age (22). From the first talk, we simply matched. We didn't had many common interests, but we simply enjoy a lot to talk and trade messages.
When I met Peter, I understood he was different. Well, the fact that he didn't asked me about sex (at least for some weeks), it was a first time. At first sight, I didn't had much expectations. We had completely different lives, families and tastes. But we manage to find some common ground, very solid ground. It's funny that we only met personally, when it had passed more than a month. Why? Let's see. When I met him, I was about to go into holidays with my family. I asked him that we met for at least two days, before I went on the trip. He refused, because he thought that was a very short time to know me and to go in a hiatus. So, we passed more than a month only talking by the internet and by phone occasionally.
When I arrived to my destination, I started to spend much time on the internet. And I was a little bit excited to return. My mother understood that, but didn't care much. I was always had a great relationship with her. I was the only person who could convince her on doing something she didn't wanted, and she was used that I would tell her the most important things that happen in the university. But she found strange that I didn't liked to have anyone near me, looking to the screen of the computer, when I was in there.
One day, I was in the computer and my mother tries to read what I was chatting. I hide it quickly. She sits next to me (we were alone in the house), and tells me something: You know that yesterday, when you went outside to talk at the phone, you let a window open (she never touches my PC, only looks), and I read it and I know. I was took by surprise, and asked: - You know what? She answered: -I know that you're in a relationship with another guy. I simply had a shock. I simply wasn't prepared for that moment. I had imagined lots of times how would my mother found out about me and how would react. None of my thoughts were close. I knew she would take badly, since my family was very conservative, but well she took it into a whole new different level.
That day is marked in my memory. She started crying, and saying stuff that I never imagined that I could heard from her. She begged me that I would leave that sinful life, that what I was doing was a major shame to her, to the memory of my father and to my family. She said that she could stand anything in life, except that. I simply stood there quietly, didn't saying anything. I didn't knew what part of the conversation she read with Peter, but it seems she was quite certain. I tried to convince her, that it was a joke. I wasn't very successful.
We spent the rest of the day alone, and we didn't talk to each other. She was always crying. When my brother arrived, my aunt and cousins, she didn't hide the tears. She spent four days like this. Everyone was worried, myself included, of course. But I didn't knew what to do. I realized that I couldn't convince her that I had changed, and I wasn't ready to show any weaknesses, so I kept a normal look. When my aunt suggested that we took her to a doctor, she bounced back. We spent all these days, without speaking a single word. Since I was talking normally with everyone, no one noticed it.
It was an awful time to me. Sometimes my mother cooked me lunch, put it in the table and left the house, to cry. I would lunch alone, seeing tv. The third or fourth time this happened, I cried. I didn't quite remembered the last time that I had done that. Not that I'm a strong guy (all that nonsense talk), I simply have a strong personality and I manage to deal with my problems by myself, and I usually don't like showing my feelings in the outside. I only eat some meals with her, when someone was on the house.
One day, we had a family dinner. Everything was the same. We didn't talk, but in front of other people, no one would guess what would be happening. In this day, my mother surprised me. My uncle was saying to me, that I was very thin. If I continued like that, I was like to disappear or to be dead. I smiled, and some family members laughed. And my mother says: Well, if he died, I would be at peace, with no problems. Some people laughed, not understanding the true meaning. Several cousins of mine, were in shock with what she said. I simply stood there, and didn't say anything. Those words entered my head and never left me. I think it was from that day on, that I understood that my excellent relationship that I once had with my mother was lost. Never in my entire life, I would get that back. I never had a truly sense, of actions that could change your life forever. I was starting to learn that, in a very hard way.
From that day on, my mother started to tell some jokes with some hidden message. I would hear them, and say nothing. At the same time, I was keeping my conversation with Peter. I didn't hide anymore that I was chatting with him. The weeks passed, and my worst holidays were coming to an end. My mother knew that, and one week from my departure, she sits by myside and starts to tell me some pretty bad stuff. She asked if I wasn't ashamed of being a "faggot", told me that I was the embarrassment of the family, that I was the worst thing that she could have ever had in life, that she no longer considered myself as her son. She threatened to tell my friends and family, and she praised some guys on tv who were involved in gay bashing, telling that I deserve the same. I heard all that, and didn't say a word.
One week later, I left her and my family, and came back to the university. Peter was at the airport waiting for me. He had helped me a lot during this time. Although his parents didn't knew about him, he was sure that they would face it pretty normal. His education had been quite different from mine, and he didn't understood how my mother could be reacting like this. He kept telling me that she would change. I had a different opinion. At this point, we were pretty close. Even separated by a long distance, we manage to have a very close relationship. We considered ourselves great friends, and when I arrived we went to a hotel to take some holidays. He needed it, and I needed it.
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